将军折手延筹策,谋道盱衡论握机

将军折手延筹策,谋道盱衡论握机:

中东波谲云诡,就像一个大黑洞……

路边社记者听到各种各样的谣言,现记下来可以等好来污投钱来拍一部《Middle East House of Cards》……

谣言零:波斯大帝国的大将军是中东之乱的一号操盘手……

谣言一:喜媚娘和大将军是合作多年的好搭档,班加西是俩人合作过的项目之一……

谣言二:穆勒报告后,驴党发现不靠谱连任行情看涨,如何阻击不靠谱连任是驴党的重中之重,top priority……

传喜媚娘献了一高招:“送他一场越南战争”……

谣言三:喜媚娘和大将军再次联手合作,喜媚娘对大将军就说了两个字:搞事……

谣言四:大将军搞的第一件大事就是搞掉了美利坚的全球鹰……

谣言五:不靠谱都已经下令报复,但在最后一刻叫停了,因为不靠谱得到了线报:这是喜媚娘设的局,就等不靠谱往坑里跳……

谣言六:不靠谱知道是喜媚娘在设局后,选择从乌克兰出手反击,就和泽连撕鸡打了一个电话,请他帮助美利坚反腐,同时派出朱莉安妮私访:明查败灯,暗查喜媚娘……

谣言七:大将军搞了全球鹰后,又搞油轮,再搞美军基地,不靠谱都一忍再忍三忍……

喜媚娘见不靠谱忍功深厚,就再献一计,强行弹劾……

谣言八:象党空前地团结在一起力挺不靠谱,狈猡袭拿着众院的弹劾报告不敢往参院送,因为朱莉安妮手上握着真材实料……

谣言九:喜媚娘只好再次搭上大将军:“把巴格达变成班加西……”

谣言十:不靠谱得到线报:大将军是围攻巴格达大使馆的幕后黑手……

不靠谱决定“立刻斩手”……

谣言十一:大波斯帝国是神权和君权双轨制,可是神权远高于君权,帝国君的梦想就是当上真主之下的总教主……

谣言十二:帝国君和大将军面和心不和,在军权财权外交权上暗斗不止……

谣言十三:现任总教主已是癌症晚期,不久就要去见真主了,帝国君快梦想成真了,可是大将军是拦路虎……

谣言十四:总教主开始怀疑大将军的忠心,总教主想和,大将军要鸡蛤得(Jihad)……

总教主开始忧虑和害怕他去见真主后的大将军……

谣言十五:大将军是总教主和帝国军送给不靠谱开始讲和的见面礼……

不靠谱在斩手后宣告:是为了结束战争,不是开始战争……

不靠谱知道斩手是给自己长面子的好事情,如果会有什么后续麻烦,不靠谱可以请摩萨德出手,因为摩萨德是玩“让灵道先走”的高手中的高手,而且是千年天生的死对头,多一事也不用愁……

如果大将军不是见面礼,那么不靠谱不是大智大勇就是无知无畏……

谣言十六:大将军被斩手后,总教主派专机去大国借梯子……

大国向来借梯子的人讲了张怀芝的故事:老佛爷懿旨炮轰11国使馆,张怀芝向荣禄借梯子,荣禄说“宫里听得见炮声的……”

张怀芝心领神会地走了……

谣言十七:大国灵道给普大帝热线电话,希望普大帝做带头大哥,关键时刻拉总教主一把……

普大帝说俄国在波斯大帝国没带没路,没港口没油田也没投钱,还是猴子上树观虎斗好……

谣言十八:大国灵道不敢明拉总教主,因为大家拿手上还端着一碗粥……

所以明修栈道 暗渡陈仓,让张大使慰问一下马赫迪“有什么需要帮忙的……”

谣言十九:不靠谱通过瑞士转交给帝国君一份账单……

FNN说不靠谱去收斩手费用,是故意羞辱帝国君……

谣传这帐单是给帝国君列出的梯子位置和明细费用……

谣言二十:帝国君放焰火是和不靠谱演双簧……

同时传放焰火前,总教主给马赫迪吹了一下风……

谣言二十一:乌克兰大飞机被导弹击落……

谣言二十二:乌克兰大飞机上有被卧底策反的核专家,要投奔不靠谱……

谣言二十三:总教主开始清洗大将军的亲信……

乌克兰大飞机上有许多大将军亲信的子女,腰外逃大家拿……

谣言二十四:大将军是波斯大帝国石油走私大国的最高灵道……

谣言二十五:大将军是波斯大帝国给金元帅送钱的最高灵道……

不靠谱这是既吓唬了金元帅又断了金元帅的财路……

谣言二十六:大国灵道本想乘不靠谱困在波斯大帝国的反击战中时,继续在帽衣战玩拖刀记……

当发现是演双簧后,刘中堂去和不靠谱签协议的机票也订好了……

汇率是上甘岭还是黄河绝恋最好的风向标……

谣传发动上甘岭的要批评和自我批评……

除了大国灵道,还有许多想从鹬蚌相争中渔翁得利的渔翁也不得不承认不靠谱是一只老狐狸,大戏没有照渔翁的剧本演下去……

谣言二十七:斩首大将军,让油气大涨,帝国君嗨皮,普大帝嗨皮,沙特嗨皮,伊拉克嗨皮,花街嗨皮,米国能源公司嗨皮,米国军界嗨皮……

不靠谱特意说:米国不需要中东石油,米国有油有气……

谣言二十八:不靠谱故意把默大婶晾在一边……

默大婶只好飞去找普大帝借梯子……

谣言二十九:不靠谱就是想从中东大撤军,将和总教主开启和谈……

不靠谱的主战场是印太……

大将军是破中东乱局的密钥……

斩手大将军,不靠谱盘活一盘世界大棋……

“上兵伐谋,其次伐交,其次伐兵,其下攻城;攻城之法为不得已。” 

附伟大领袖满江红词一首:

小小寰球,

有几个苍蝇碰壁,

嗡嗡叫。

几声凄历,

几声抽泣。

蚂蚁缘槐夸大国,

蚍蜉撼树谈何易。

正西风落叶下长安,

飞鸣镝。

多少事,

从来急。

天地转,

光阴迫。

一万年太久,

只争朝夕。

四海翻腾云水怒,

五洲震荡风雷激。

要扫除一切害人虫,

全无敌。

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